Melissa is currently undergoing cancer treatment, and the bloghop posts will be collected for an anthology that will be sold to help with healthcare costs for M. As well as provide donations for an organization (Gilda's Club Chicago) dedicated to helping women fight endometrial, cervical, and ovarian cancers.
Melissa has been a great talent and feisty spirit in our blogging and writing community for a long time and she needs our help. There has been a GoFundMe page established by her friends, and I know she greatly appreciates your donations and sharing.
Get well, M! We are in your corner.
~EJ
Please visit the others in the hop and show your support for, Melissa.
(Note about my entry: Melissa is one of the funniest people I've met, so I've added a touch of humor and sarcasm to my essay just for her. :) I give full rights to this work to Melissa and allow her to use it however she sees fit.)
5 Things I learned About Cancer Living With An Oncologist
I’ve never had cancer, but I have a pretty intimate relationship with it. My wife is an oncologist, so I hear about the struggles and triumphs every day. I see how determined she is, even after logging seventy to eighty hours away from home on an average week, to stay persistent and encouraging in the face of such brutal diseases and treatments. And she tells me that most of her dedication comes directly from the courage she sees in her patients.
Ultimately, she gets to go home. Lots of people aren’t so fortunate. So, other than being grateful for whatever health I’m given every second of every day, what other things have I picked up living with an oncologist?
1. Cancer hates weekends and holidays … and pretty much every other special moment in life. It’s like a demonic Santa Claus. It knows when you’re sleeping. It knows when you’re awake. It knows when you haven’t eaten or seen your family in three days, and it doesn’t give a damn. People have it 24/7, and those people need to be taken care of 24/7. It’s a vicious cycle for everyone involved.
2. Cancer sucks. Cancer treatment can suck more—at least in the short term. What do you do to a disease that’s trying to kill you? Why poison it—and you—naturally! Seriously, it’s like Agatha Christie invented modern oncology. There are also surgeries, needle sticks, ports, and pretty much everything else evil in the world. When you hear about people ‘fighting cancer’, that’s exactly what it is in most instances. A knock-down-drag-out brawl to reclaim their health. When a doctor tells you a procedure or treatment ‘isn’t fun’ that’s code for “this will probably be worse than being mauled by a lion".
1. Cancer hates weekends and holidays … and pretty much every other special moment in life. It’s like a demonic Santa Claus. It knows when you’re sleeping. It knows when you’re awake. It knows when you haven’t eaten or seen your family in three days, and it doesn’t give a damn. People have it 24/7, and those people need to be taken care of 24/7. It’s a vicious cycle for everyone involved.
2. Cancer sucks. Cancer treatment can suck more—at least in the short term. What do you do to a disease that’s trying to kill you? Why poison it—and you—naturally! Seriously, it’s like Agatha Christie invented modern oncology. There are also surgeries, needle sticks, ports, and pretty much everything else evil in the world. When you hear about people ‘fighting cancer’, that’s exactly what it is in most instances. A knock-down-drag-out brawl to reclaim their health. When a doctor tells you a procedure or treatment ‘isn’t fun’ that’s code for “this will probably be worse than being mauled by a lion".
3. The psychological toll of cancer is often harsher than the physical toll. “You have a life-threatening disease. Have a great weekend!” That’s not how a typical visit with an oncologist goes down. A huge portion of cancer treatment is counseling the patient and their families. It’s preparing them and getting them the help they need for the inevitable depression. It’s educating them on treatment options (remember, some of which really suck, see #2) and side effects. It’s helping folks stare down their mortality—even for the good kinds of cancer. (See - #4) You can’t be diagnosed with the Big C and not have your insides turned out.
4. There are good kinds of cancer. Okay, poor phrasing. No cancer is good. But there are WAY worse kinds to have. Doctors get really excited when a patient has one of the good ones. It truly makes their month (sometimes year) when they get to tell a patient the goal of treatment is cure, because that’s definitely not always the case. Way too often they’re dealing in weeks and months, not years or forever, when it comes to prognosis. So they live for those appointments when they get to talk about curing a disease, not just treating it.
5. Speaking of forever, when you live with an oncologist you quickly realize almost nothing is. Absolutes make all doctors crazy, but especially cancer doctors. They see lives yanked out from under folks like shabby rugs on a daily basis and it’s their jobs to help them get back on their feet if they can. They understand that diseases are random and unilaterally unbiased. Good people, bad people, old people, young people, smart people, funny people, silly people, loved people—anyone can get cancer. This might seem like a depressing or alarming amount of knowledge to have (and it can be a really poor party topic at times), but it’s mostly empowering. You want a VIP pass to enjoy life? Get real about how precious and beautiful it is, and how so many people are stripped of the ability to live it to its fullest.
4. There are good kinds of cancer. Okay, poor phrasing. No cancer is good. But there are WAY worse kinds to have. Doctors get really excited when a patient has one of the good ones. It truly makes their month (sometimes year) when they get to tell a patient the goal of treatment is cure, because that’s definitely not always the case. Way too often they’re dealing in weeks and months, not years or forever, when it comes to prognosis. So they live for those appointments when they get to talk about curing a disease, not just treating it.
5. Speaking of forever, when you live with an oncologist you quickly realize almost nothing is. Absolutes make all doctors crazy, but especially cancer doctors. They see lives yanked out from under folks like shabby rugs on a daily basis and it’s their jobs to help them get back on their feet if they can. They understand that diseases are random and unilaterally unbiased. Good people, bad people, old people, young people, smart people, funny people, silly people, loved people—anyone can get cancer. This might seem like a depressing or alarming amount of knowledge to have (and it can be a really poor party topic at times), but it’s mostly empowering. You want a VIP pass to enjoy life? Get real about how precious and beautiful it is, and how so many people are stripped of the ability to live it to its fullest.
E.J. Wesley
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