Cancer and Firsts

Before I get started, I'd like to clear the air so as not to mislead anyone: I do not have cancer, nor does anyone specifically close to me have cancer. This isn't THAT kind of post. But it does have a lot to do with cancer.

About Bridget Zinn

A couple of years ago, I blogged about a writer who'd died of cancer. Her name is Bridget, and her passing touched me very deeply. You can read that post HERE. 

To be clear, I didn't know Bridget at all. I just read about her story on a blog I followed and was compelled to write about her. I think that's because Bridget was all of us--a writer yearning to share her stories with the world, a person with dreams and ambitions, and a hard worker in the way that successful writers must be hard workers. 

Sadly, she never had the chance to see her efforts pay off or her dreams realized. And that crushed me--is still crushing me--because there was nothing I wanted so much as to be published, and I knew that desire had burned in her heart as well. It was a cosmic injustice of unimaginable proportion--which is exactly what cancer is to everyone who gets it: A random, cosmic F-U. 

About Cancer

I have a special hatred for cancer, and a somewhat unique relationship with it. Like almost everyone, it has taken people dear to me--I'd lost two grandparents to the disease by the age of 10--but that's not really why I hate it.

I don't think I've shared this with most of my writing friends, but my wife is an oncologist. Treating patients with cancer is her business, and it's a horribly bustling one. 

There's not a day that goes by in my life that I'm not aware of some travesty cancer has caused. I'm far too familiar with the struggles families face watching a loved one die in slow motion, the tragedy of a life cut short, and the hardships of treatments designed to kill cancer, but have the unfortunate side effect of killing the rest of the body, too.

Our lives are like that movie Groundhog Day--with cancer being the reoccurring main theme. I'm the equivalent of a front row spectator at the Roman Coliseum, my wife is the Gladiator I'm cheering for, and the battles are just as grim and gutwrenching as you could possibly imagine. 

Sounds like a blast, right?

Here's the thing: I'll gladly take all of that awareness, plus all of the 100 hour work weeks my wife and best friend spends away from me, and all of the tears, frustrations, and burdens she places with me because she can't share them with her patients (as you can imagine, it's not really a job that ends when the 5 o'clock whistle sounds ... especially psychologically). I'll take it all because HAVING cancer is worse.

It is a brutal, bullshit disease that doesn't give a damn about your age, race, religion, tax bracket, or societal value. Cancer is the boss from hell. It isn't concerned about your upcoming honeymoon, your retirement plans, your first prom, or if your kids need you--if you get 'chosen' for the task, you'll put in your time first, and if you've anything left over, you can dole it out however you'd like. And there is no promise of more time. 

And that isn't a unique relationship. No, in an odd bit of fairness from such an arbitrary and cruel affliction, cancer hates us all equally. That's why I hate cancer in return.

More About Bridget ... And Firsts

At the time of her death, Bridget's debut novel was still with her agent, and still trying to navigate through the various doors to publication. Fast forward a couple of years later, and her book, Poison, is finally finding it's way into the world. 

To memorialize Bridget, her agent and publisher are asking for the writers of the world to help share her story (both the make believe and real one), because Bridget never got to revel in the joy of getting a story into the hands of readers. 

They've asked author-bloggers to blog about their 'first time' being published, which seems fair and also like something Bridget would enjoy reading about. (See her video below...) However, I'd simply like to share Bridget's story. This is her day, after all. :)

I like to think that Bridget's legacy enduring, and her dream coming to reality, is our own F-U to cancer. It can strip away our health and number our days, but it cannot touch our spirit, nor can it dust away the fingerprints we leave behind on this life.

Poison by Bridget Zinn

About the novel

Sixteen-year-old Kyra, a highly-skilled potions master, is the only one who knows her kingdom is on the verge of destruction—which means she's the only one who can save it. Faced with no other choice, Kyra decides to do what she does best: poison the kingdom's future ruler, who also happens to be her former best friend.

But, for the first time ever, her poisoned dart…misses.

Now a fugitive instead of a hero, Kyra is caught in a game of hide-and-seek with the king's army and her potioner ex-boyfriend, Hal. At least she's not alone. She's armed with her vital potions, a too-cute pig, and Fred, the charming adventurer she can't stop thinking about. Kyra is determined to get herself a second chance (at murder), but will she be able to find and defeat the princess before Hal and the army find her?

Kyra is not your typical murderer, and she's certainly no damsel-in-distress—she's the lovable and quick-witted hero of this romantic novel that has all the right ingredients to make teen girls swoon.

Where you can purchase Poison

Amazon
Barnes & Noble
IndieBound
iTunes Bookstore
Powell's Books

About Bridget Zinn

Bridget grew up in Wisconsin. She went to the county fair where she met the love of her life, Barrett Dowell. They got married right before she went in for exploratory surgery which revealed she had colon cancer. They christened that summer the "summer of love" and the two celebrated with several more weddings. Bridget continued to read and write until the day she died.

Her last tweet was "Sunshine and a brand new book. Perfect."

Bridget wanted to make people laugh and hoped readers would enjoy spending time with the characters she created. As a librarian/writer she loved books with strong young women with aspirations. She also felt teens needed more humorous reads. She really wanted to write a book with pockets of warmth and happiness and hoped that her readers' copies would show the watermarks of many bath time reads.

More about Bridget

A remembrance of Bridget written by her agent (with a video of Bridget that shows how vibrant and funny she was)

Bridget's path to publication - in her own words.

A post in which Bridget shares her Sneaky Tips for writing (which also has an audio file of her reading this post)


If you'd like to help with sharing Bridget's story, follow the link below. You'll find lots of information about the release, and ways you can help. 

http://bridgetzinn.com/help/index.php

Tragedy & Hope

I took a long-ish blogging break for the month of May, but somewhat sadly the world didn't rest with me.  When I started my break the Southern U.S. was just beginning to recover from the string of violent storms that left lives ended or destroyed in multiple states, the most heavily hit being Alabama.  The stories of survival that poured out were both heartbreaking and inspiring.

Then, only a few weeks later, another massive tornado hit the modest-sized city of Joplin, MO.  They were still adding to the death toll this week, and the damage was catastrophic.  I lived in Missouri for 4 years and had visited Joplin many times while traveling back to my home state of Oklahoma.  Missouri, like Oklahoma, is a state dominated by rural living.  It's not uncommon for your nearest "neighbor" to live several miles away.  As such, when something like this happens to one town or city, it feels as though it happens to the entire state.  Everyone is your neighbor.

Only days after the Joplin storm another tornado struck, this time in my home state.  Tornados aren't infrequent things in Oklahoma.  In fact, they are kind of a fixture in the culture there.  Every town (no matter the size) has a storm siren, and they have 'tornado drills' in the schools starting in kindergarden.  No, if you grow up in Oklahoma a tornado is nothing to get excited about unless it's your house its blowing over.  The Oklahoma tornado didn't harm as many people as it hit a small town named Piedmont (yes, I know people who live there as well); however, it held perhaps the saddest story of all.

A pregnant mother huddled in her bathtub with her two young sons, trying desperately to protect them from the storms fury.  The father was out of town for work.  When the storm had passed, the mother and unborn child were injured but alive.  One of the boys was found dead immediately, but the other was missing.  After searching through wreckage and debris for two days--the father had of course returned and joined the search--they found the body of the other boy.

The thought of that family losing two of their three children in one freak storm was almost more than I could take.  You can't help but question the order of life when you hear stories like these.  It's the kind of stuff that happens to people in movies or books, but not in real life.  No real person should ever have to endure such tragedy, after all.

I sometimes feel that if we have no more control over things than that, why try at all?

Then I read the story of Bridget Zinn ...

I'm sure some will think Bridget's story in many ways is just as heart-wrenching.  A beautiful woman taken long before her time by cancer is surely nothing to celebrate.  However, after learning about her all too brief life, I do feel inspired.  I think you will too.

Here is the bio from her website:

"I'm a YA writer and fan of all things YA. The types of books I like the best are usually super funny and have a unique perspective on the world – they also tend to be a bit on the girly side although not ALWAYS. Adventure and intrigue can get me too – it's just that a touch of snogging here and there is always a bonus in my mind.

I write the sort of books I like to read: you'll find adventure, unique twists, and definitely a snog here and there. It's quite possible that there's a bit of sneakiness and mischievousness in my stories, but you'll have to read more to find out for sure. All I can tell you is that if you check out my About Me page don't be surprised to discover links to Secret Lairs, Partners In Crime, or Crazy Stunts.

My first novel, POISON, will be published by Disney/Hyperion the Summer of 2012." 

Like myself and so many of you who follow this blog, Bridget had big dreams.  Her dreams were so big, in fact, that her brain and heart couldn't hold them all so she had to write them down and share them with others.  From all the accounts I've read, Bridget was an exceedingly talented writer and a better person.  She had a real zest for life and a unique ability to transform that into words.

Bridget died May 26, 2011.

If you're an author or have author-like ambitions, you'll have immediately noticed that Bridget was not able to see her book published.  I say that because I know for most of us seeing our words in print IS the dream, and to come so close and never realize that dream would be the ultimate torment.  It is probably breaking some of your hearts right now.  I know it did mine for a time ...  

Then I read her blog.  

I'll confess and hopefully not sound too morbid, I expected to read the accounts of a dying person.  My wife is an Oncologist, and I can tell you that cancer is typically not a subtle thing.  You know it has you well before it takes you.  However, after reading only a few entries, something odd occurred to me: Bridget wasn't dying, she was living.

This was a woman who took each day as a gift, and did her damnedest to make the world her playground.  She loved reading and writing down to her bones and wanted to share that love, regardless of the poor hand she'd been dealt.  And that's when it hit me.  That's when I realized the example Bridget had set for me--for all of us.  

Would I write if I had 6 months or 6 days left?  Would I write if I knew I might never see it printed?  Do I love this enough, does it mean enough, for me to hold onto the ambition in the face unbelievable adversity?  You can really put anything in place of the 'writing' and the message is the same: Live your life with passion.  Live each moment as if it were your last, and fill your time by chasing your dreams.  If you do that, it will be a life well-spent.

I guess in the end Bridget's life gives me hope.  Hope that I can view life as being bigger than my anxieties and fears.  Hope that I CAN live in the moment and quit worrying about the future.  Hope that even when things seem the ugliest, there is still beauty to be found if we search for it.  

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."  ~ Oscar Wilde

To be clear, I didn't know Bridget, and I'm quite certain I'm the poorer for it.  Her husband, Barrett, has setup a beautiful memorial on her blog that I'd encourage you to view at the link posted above.  You can also make a donation to a memorial fund established in her honor.    

~EJW~