Oh $#@^!: Guest Posting, Family Musings, & Who Are You

Hey gang! Sorry to be so quiet this week, but I've been working my tail off trying to get a story out the door to the editor (just did this AM, in fact). Finally have a chance to come up for air ... you guys smell great!  

Today, I'm guest-posting at the lovely Patricia Stoltey's blog. The title of the post is: Oh $#@% My Mother is Going To Read This

Basically, I muse about having your mother read your more "colorful" stories for the first time, as well as talk about the importance of finding your voice as a writer. It was a ton of fun to write, and hope you'll jump over to check it out. (Also give Pat's blog a follow if you don't already... she always has a BUNCH of great stuff going on, and unlike some people--ME--actually does a good job keeping to a blog schedule.)

Reading more great 'Bury the Hatchet' posts this week. Things people want to chop and/or maim - traffic and poorly executed social programs. You learn so much about people with these things!

There's still plenty of time to join in the fun, and register for the giveaways. (Nook, gift cards, custom painted thumb drives.) It all ends a week from this Friday. The details are above this post. 

Here's a few more pics of the progress I'm making on the USB drives for the giveaway:

I've got some more detail work to do (the hatchet is the only one completely finished) on them, and they'll all have the feather carrying strap. But they're coming along nicely and should be ready to ship as soon as the winners are announced.


Okay, so here's a little something I need to get off my chest...

I'm not a person who needs to be liked by everyone. Not personally, not as an author, not as a blogger. I WANT to be liked by everyone, sure. But my world keeps spinning when I accidentally cut someone off on the freeway, just like it does if I accidentally offend someone online. Ultimately, I feel bad, I wish I hadn't, and I move on.

Why do I move on so quickly? Because these people don't know who I am. 

They can't know that I didn't mean to piss them off--or whatever it is I've done. They can't know that when I say nice things about them online, I sincerely mean them. They don't know that I share my feelings about nearly everything, with nearly everyone--on the street or on the computer makes no difference to me. Doesn't make me right--Lord KNOWS it doesn't make me right--but it does make me easier to understand, I feel. 

And understanding is a BIG key to healthy relationships. You don't have to agree, but you need to see/feel the other person's perspectives. Just be aware of it. Otherwise, you'll trample everyone.

I'm a counselor by training and education. I'm a highly empathetic person by nature. I'm also very cynical, which makes for interesting dinner conversation at times, but ultimately I just give a poop about people. Doesn't mean my day is ruined if someone gives me the cold shoulder (or the bird in the case of the drivers), but it also doesn't mean I don't care at all.

Now, in the case of blogging or Twitter, I've formed relationships. Very real ones, in some cases. We laugh at each other's inside jokes, we share our miseries, and our triumphs. There are lots of you I think very, very fondly of. You've helped me grow as a writer and a person in so many ways. So it isn't like they're just faces on a passing bus, you know?

So in those few instances, when I know I've crossed some of my web pals (by the way their interaction behavior changes--or stops altogether in some cases), but have no clue what I've done, it's very irksome to me. It gnaws at me a little more than the average, "Sorry, buddy, didn't see you there!"

I'd love to know what I've done, but I truly do think that's asking too much of people who don't know me personally. Busy people, who likely barely have time to talk to their own families about their grievances, probably aren't going to shoot me an eMail to say, "You're a bastard. Here's why..."

I get that.

But I guess I just think we should all be a little more cognizant about how well we really know people out in the web-world, and be willing to forgive--or discuss--grievances a touch more.

I could be out in left field with all of this, so what about you? If you've been doing the blog/social media thing very long, it's likely you've crossed someone (Or am I the only jerk out there?). Or had people you've got to know quit following, responding to tweets, or just be blatantly rude. How do you handle it? How does it make you feel?



  1. I am very conscious of my online relationships and view them the same as I do the people I have regular physical contact with. They are my friends and I care about them simple as. I always try to let people know if I've got to be really busy and not online because they are used to that regular contact since we don't see one another. And I've found that being online has allowed me to form more lasting connections with people who understand me better than people I've grown up with. They get parts of me that I usually have to explain to others here with me. I know I sound weird don't I? :)

    1. Not weird at all Melissa! I think the relationships we form online are very unique (special). They do work differently than the face-to-face ones. Maybe that's where my frustration kicks in ... I don't 'get' them as well as I do the other kind?

  2. Read your post at Patricia's this morning!
    I treasure my online buddies and hope no one takes my snark (or ignorance sometimes) the wrong way. It has happened though. And I've learned NOT to ask, because by the time you ask, that person has already made a decision and it won't matter what you say or how many times you apologize. We just have to do the best we can and be respectful of others. And if it doesn't work, as you said, move on.

  3. I definitely have crossed people. I know two that have unfollowed me and I unfollowed them because we flat out had horrible email exchanges in which we did not see eye-to-eye at all. We decided mutually to never speak with each other again.

    So yeah, I'm not out to be everyone's friend. I say things that some will find offensive on my blog. That's the nature of the beast. I'm not going to bury myself in some closet to make someone else's life better for not having to see it.

    1. I agree with your attitude, Michael. If we spent all of our time consumed with who wasn't going to 'get' what we're doing (or just be outright ticked off by it) ... well, we wouldn't get very far I'm afraid.

  4. I don't think I've crossed anyone online. I'm pretty cognizant of what I'm staying, and try to think twice. It's bound to happen, I suppose, and I'd just feel horrible. But sometimes things come out the wrong way or are taken the wrong way. I always try to make every comment a positive one:)

    Oh, and we (Angela Brown and I) have you down as a tour stop for 10/22 - are we still on?

  5. I'm sure, I have done it! I didn't mean to step on anyone's toes, but it happens! I wish we could see, sometimes...Hey, I meant to come and comment, but my Navy hubby just came home early. Surprise he has friends coming by in so many minutes...they are working on this car. I gotta go make some food, go pick up daughter from Colorguard...augh~
    Didn't mean to miss your wonderful post....(talking to the masses here)
    I really see people get mad if you do not do their prompt, their this, and that! But we have to remember Life gets in the way! I think people who blog, for the most part try to be genuine, but sometimes shit happens~
    Yes, it does! I love this post and I think we have to give each other benefit of the doubt! Thanks EJ for keeping it real! I might have a nickname for you! LOVE the sword one...OMG, it is great! YOU are
    Sir Authentic :D

  6. I try to be aware of how I treat other people online. If I've pissed somebody off, I don't know about it. I actually feel I get to know some people online as well as I know others in person.

  7. Oh, this is an INTERESTING topic. I've totally experienced this! Not on an open level, but on an undercurrent one... with people I thought I was buds with, only to have them not communicate with me at all anymore... It's strange--and I'm totally left wondering what I did. But I totally let it go---because it's not worth stressing over, I suppose. But handling online friendships is waaaay different than in person. Someday you should do a post on online clicks... That would be interesting!

  8. I tend to be pretty non confrontational, but I lose twitter and blog followers all the time, so I'm sure I'm pissing someone off. Or boring the crap out of them. P.s. LOVED your comment on my blog today!

  9. I hope this quote is immortalized forever: "...but ultimately I just give a poop about people." :D

  10. I can't imagine you crossing anyone- you are nice, honest and open. Awesome qulatities. I like to think that the people I meet online are friends and it is okay if our opinions differ from time to time. I like talking about books, reading, and writing! Great post! :)

  11. It was such a pleasure to have you visit my blog this week, E.J.

    As for tromping on toes, I'm sure we all do it occasionally without meaning to. You just keep doing what you do and don't worry about those who unfollow/unfriend you. You can't please the whole world or meet everyone's needs. You'll make yourself crazy if you try.

  12. Agree with DMS and others - I can't imagine you crossing anyone. I wasn't surprised to learn of your counseling background. It shows.

    I think we all need to be who we are, try to be considerate while doing that, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and let it go if someone 'leaves' without explanation. After all, it could be that they've just moved on or gotten busy with other things, nothing personal.

    Heck. There were some bloggers I thought were shunning me. Then I figured out it was because my follower gadget was broken. :P

    Great post, EJ. :)

  13. I know I haven't been around the blogosphere much as of late, but I do try to stay connected on other social media outlets. That said, there are people and bridges I've inadvertently burned over time. I just try to focus on fostering the relationships that can withstand the test of time and/or my foolish mistakes. Some connections last forever, and some only a short time. But it's all a fascinating social web we creatures known as humans love to weave.

  14. Sorry E.J. been out of town. Hope all is well. I certainly have found that I can't please all the people all the time!

  15. It's hard for me to imagine you crossing anyone, EJ. I have had someone stop following me and stop responding to me, and I have no clue what I did to offend them. I wondered about it for a while but honestly couldn't remember anything I had said that would have been offensive, so I just let it go. Heading over to check out your guest post now. :)

  16. I've had the same happen to me. Not often, but it happens. Who knows? It can't ruin your life though. :)

  17. Excellent guest post, EJ! Read and commented!

    I've crossed the occasional person online; I try not to, but it happens.

  18. I love my internet friends. Having said that, I've had my share of run-ins with some. Too many personalities out there to not anger at least one person.


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