IWSG + Indie Life: Debunking Perfection

Hey, gang! Hope everyone is doing well. Sorry I've been MIA lately, lots of travel, etc. and more to come I'm afraid. But I'm going to check in as often as I can. (So no house parties!)

I've been reading a lot of A to Z retrospective posts lately. Most of them sound something like this: "I screwed up and missed a day or two. I was overly ambitious with my theme. I feel like I've been on a month-long acid trip, I now wear bifocals, a clump of my hair fell out in the shower from the stress, and I have seizures every time my child sings his A,B,C's... but I had fun."

I've done A to Z a grand total of one time and that was enough to make me sympathize with you. It is fun. You meet crazy amounts of people. But it can totally deplete your blogging and social media mojo. Like for months. 

It's especially hard on people who strive for perfection, or are just really serious about doing a good job. Which, DING DING DING you guessed it, includes most of us writer types.

You don't write for publication if you aren't driven to prove yourself--maybe just to you. Getting a story from concept to polished and shareable is grueling work. You have to care. Lots. It may sound harsh, but the people who don't care just don't last long in this business.

As part of that caring we often shoot for perfection. Or what we perceive to be perfection. Why put that pressure on ourselves? Because it's seemingly all everyone around us does.

Those annoyingly perfect bloggers that never miss a day, have ALL the followers, and share stuff so important that you never miss a post even though you secretly despise them. The authors who publish a new book every month and have one-hundred 5 star reviews two weeks before the book even drops. Those social media gurus who rack up follows and retweets like a dog collects fleas. The writer who just signed a six-figure deal for her first novel that isn't even finished and is exactly like the book you just read, just with angels instead of vampires, and were-monkeys instead of wolves.

They're perfect. Their lives are perfect. I bet if we went over to their house right now we'd find a Lexus with a bow on it in the driveway, their 2.5 kids playing hopscotch in the street with no traffic, and a labrador and kitten frolicking with deer in the front yard. It's enough to make you gag, but it shouldn't...
  
My fellow indies and insecure writers, I'm here to let you in on a little secret: It's total BS. Perfection is a myth. ESPECIALLY in the writing business. 

We are ALL fraught with worry that our last story was indeed our last. We all set up at night wondering what the heck we're going to blog about tomorrow, or if we even want blog again at all. We all have days and weeks go by without writing a thing and are embarrassed by it because we call ourselves writers. We all watch television, Facebook, and Tweet when we should be reading something that will help us get better. We all have a backlog of manuscripts from friends we need to read and critique, but barely have time to sleep, so we keep putting them off. We all get bad reviews. We all have to answer to relatives we love who ask the, "When will you have something published?" questions. We all blush when we're truthful about how much time we put into this stuff and how little money we make in return. We all wish we did it for something other than money, but secretly know we'd sure like to make some money, too. We are all sick of rejection, and are ashamed by the number of dead manuscripts we have lying in the 'graveyard hard drive'. We all regret a few queries we hit 'send' on prematurely, a few blog posts we've published in anger, and the friends we've let down or lost touch with along the way to wherever we're at. We all reach a point where we want to give up.

So I guess I'm asking for everyone to let go of that perfection goal for a little while. (Doesn't have to be forever.) It's lofty and unattainable in your writing and in your life. It's okay to miss blog posts, to fail to promote a friend because you forgot, and to not write for a few days. Heck, it might even be a healthy dose of perspective.

And speaking of missing blog posts! My apologies to my IWSG friends for missing last Wednesday's monthly go-round. I have no excuse other than life swept me away. I'll do better next month, and know that you heavily inspired today's post. :) 

Click the buttons to learn all about the Indie Life group and the Insecure Writer's Support Group. They are full of fantastic folks, and you won't regret joining up. 




~EJW~




38 comments:

  1. Two groups with one shot - good stuff, EJ.
    I'm a perfectionist, but I don't lead that kind of life.
    And the Challenge does make it difficult on us perfectionists. But I'm not doing it for just me, so that's all right.

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    1. I hated to miss last week, Alex, so I wanted to make sure I got my IWSG in. :) Actually, I think it's very interesting how similar my thoughts are for both groups.

      I think that perfectionist attitude beats in the heart of most of us, and we really have to work to make sure we don't get caught up in it. I agree that having things outside of ourselves that we are doing this for makes it easier.

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  2. I give a second AMEN.

    Hugs and chocolate,
    Shelly

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    1. I didn't realize I was starting a congregation! LOL Thank you, Shelly. Hope you and Sweet Man are doing well. :)

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  3. EJ, that post-A to Z description sounded like me, and I don't even do blog hops!

    I agree with everything you said here. And after over 25 years in this insane business, both in traditional publishing and indie, I thought nothing could surprise me. I was wrong.

    We all get bad reviews. It's a fact of writing life. But yesterday, for the first time, I actually got a bad review from someone who asked me where I'd like her to post it! My son suggested I tell her to post it where a colonoscopy would be required to read it....

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    1. That's crazy! I'm very sorry to hear it, Norma. (But I love your son's recommendation. LOL) I think the internet makes things so much different. There's so much anonymity that people really feel like they don't have to be human beings... or forget that we're human beings.

      A lot of people don't realize how much we invest into our work (time, emotionally, money, etc.). There's just so much content out there now, I think they maybe assume we're 'dabbling' at something and won't be offended or hurt if they grossly over-critisize us. Like maybe they're helping us out or something. (No, being ripped apart doesn't help us a bit. LOL)

      It's comforting, in a weird way, to hear that you've been at this so long and a bad review still stinks. Mostly because I sometimes get after myself if I let a review, etc. get to me. I guess I feel like I should be more of a pro and just shrug it off. But I suppose getting down every now and then is just part of it.

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  4. Me perfect? That's pretty funny E.J. but this post rocks and thanks for the smiles. My hair is falling out!

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    1. I think that's exactly it, Eve. We know damn well we aren't even close to perfect, but I think we feel that pressure to at least appear that way sometimes. I'd loan you some of my hair, but it would have to come from my beard and it doesn't curl very well. :D

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  5. How did you get inside my head?! lol
    Lately I feel like someone is sucking my soul through a straw. I wonder what the hell am I doing?! I'm trying to relearn my life. I am not use to having my husband (retired Navy) home...augh!

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    1. It definitely takes some adjustment when you're used to your spouse being away a lot, Ella! It can feel like nothing goes at 'your' pace, if that makes sense. Order will be restored! (And I hope your camera, too. :)

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  6. I get what you're saying about 'perfect bloggers' and if you try to follow them you'll be driven insane. I don't do that because I know I'm doing the best I can. Some of my post are even written just before posting time. I try to avoid doing that by having my post ready the weekend before but hey life happens. A-Z is tiring but I told myself I'd be ready to blog on next month and with a few changes (like taking days off when I don't have to make a blog post) I'm doing quite well. Best of luck blogging and yes perfection is a myth but like the unicorn we still feel the temptation of catching it.

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    1. Preparation can definitely make things go more smoothly, Sheena. And I do the same thing--often--when it comes to writing a post. I do try to get them done early, but I sometimes think the deadline pressure helps me remove the filters a little. Which can be good and bad. :)

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  7. I tossed perfection years ago. I can half-ass with the best of them now.

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  8. Super true. :)

    I'm fine with being imperfect -- nothing gained by fighting that…but I still have trouble letting my books be imperfect. I'm a revise-it-to-death sort if I let myself go there. So definitely trying to get the perfectionism under control.

    Have a great month, E.J.!

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    1. Can so relate to that, J.R.! Being an indie makes it worse sometimes, I think, because we're the ones with final say over when it's actually done. There's really not a moment when you say, "Well, it's out of my hands now!" I format my own eBooks, and I've been known to make a few small changes WHILE I'm formatting them for publication. lol

      Hope you have a great month, too! :)

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  9. I can only strive for the best I can be...and it's far from perfection. Most days I let things slide because I can only do what I can do. However, some days the stress gets to all of us no matter how hard you try not to let it in. Those are the days I take a deep breath and step away for a moment. This was a very inspiring post- thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's nice to know you are not alone. I love your emotion and passion for writing; it shows in everything you do! You're amazing :)

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    1. Taking a break is always a good thing in my opinion, Rebecca. And thank you. :)

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  10. Great post, EJ. I, too, am a perfectionist, but I'm learning to let it go.

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  11. So so so soooooooo true! We like to look at others and think they've got it all when really they're just putting on a really good show. It's good to hear I'm not alone in my feelings towards them :)

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  12. Your "We All" paragraph was pretty spot on!

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  13. I'm something worse than a perfectionist. I'm a perfectionist in theory but only sometimes in practice. Because if I don't think that I can do something perfectly, much of the time I won't even try because I can't stand failing. Basically, I'm just a crippled psyche. ;)

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  14. I love this post. It was the perfect reminder I needed today- that WE ALL ARE HUMAN. :) Sometimes we forget that. :) Thanks so much!
    ~Jess

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  15. So you saw my frolicking Labrador and kitten...

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  16. very relatable post... I'm very familiar with the crazies as I strive for the impossible ;)

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  17. I want to hug this post! I could read it over and over. And THIS is why I love your blog, EJ. You always say something that resonates with me and uplifts me. It's fabulous.

    SO. GOOD. And SO. TRUE.

    :D

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  18. LOVE this post! I do hold myself to much higher standards than everyone else and I'm so much harder on myself for it. I want perfection, but I know I need to be easier on myself.

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  19. So true about perfection being a myth, although I must admit there is a part of me that strives for the perfect first draft. Will it happen? Nope! It's just something I eventually will need to get over the notion. LOL!

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  20. You said it, brother. We can be so hard on ourselves. At one point awhile back I simply said, "I can do what I can do and I'm not gonna worry about the rest."
    Hope your moving plans are going well!

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  21. Thank you EJ! I needed to read this today, and I'm so thankful for your raw honesty and your sweet encouragement! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
    I feel like I've been behind for so long with everything, and it's to be reminded that I'm not the only one that feels that.

    Happy Writing! Happy Publishing and traveling and all that you do!
    (and yes, I hope someday we all make some money from this writing gig too)

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  22. Great post! BTW - I've nominated you for an award: http://www.writinginwonderland.blogspot.com/2013/05/liebster-award.html

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  23. Great reminders in this post. I have yet to do A-Z, although I like to read posts by those who do, and I admire their perseverance. I came to your site via Tanya's. BTW: I love the Dostoyevsky quote below. Probably the essence of many a great novel.

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  24. E.J. you are sooooo right. and it's hard to let go of trying to be perfect. John Updike once said 'perfectionism is the enemy of creation.' I believe that to be a true statement.

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“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

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