Hell Hath Frozen

No, it hasn't rained in Texas, I've just decided to do a blog award post! My old-time followers know that my blog award stance is thus: I'm exceedingly appreciative, but highly unlikely to do the little 'pass it forward' bit that most of the awards require. As such, I rarely accept awards as an actual blog post.


Because I'm a massive jerk.  Not really ... well, maybe. But the REAL reason why I don't do them is because I found them to be a ton of work and, while the intent is good, I've found that many bloggers consider them to be a burden. 

I've actually given a 'No Strings Attached' award simply as a way of saying thanks, you're awesome, without burdening folks with telling us what kinds of underwear they prefer.  (Which I'm about to do ... wait for it ...)

So why am I breaking tradition? Simple! 1) I've had a tremendous amount of bloggers-block this week.  I've wanted to post something, but just couldn't figure out what. 2) Both of the awards I'm going to acknowledge today come from some very dear blog friends, and the award concepts/challenges are cool.  3) I do what I want!

Without further delay, the awards:

WHERE I TALK ABOUT UNDERWEAR (Told you to wait for it. PG-13)

Courtesy of Shelly at the Life of a Novice Writer blog. She's super sweet, and oh so funny. Don't believe me?  Check out her underwear post.

What it's about: You answer a bunch of questions about underwear. Here we go ...

1.  Do you have any commonly used nicknames for your underwear?

You mean like britches, banana hammocks, the Midnight Specials, the dungeons of fun or manhood-holsters?  No, naming them would just be silly ...

2. Have you ever had that supposedly common dream of being in a crowded place in only your underwear?

I rarely have dreams, especially memorable ones. If did have one, I'd probably be more focused on being chased by leopard seals wearing clown masks while Ke$ha and Bieber fought to the death on a distant mountain top than my clothing (or lack thereof).

3. What is the worst thing you can think of to make underwear out of?

Easy. Chain mail or burlap.

4. If you were a pair of underwear what color would you be?

Eggplant or mother of pearl.

5. Have you ever thrown your underwear at a rock star or celebrity? If so, which ones? If not, which ones?

No. If they were made of chain mail I'd throw them at Bieber.  

6. You’re out of underwear what do you do?

WWRD -- What Would Rambo Do?  

7. Are you old enough to remember Underoos? If so, did you have any? Which ones?

Star Wars and Dukes of Hazzard.  I thought the picture of the General Lee on the bum made me run faster.

8. If you could have any message printed on your underwear, what would it be?

Play nice or I'll take my balls and go home. That should probably be a bumper sticker on one of the gigantic pickup trucks I see driving around here in Texas.

9. How many bloggers does it take to put undies on a goat?

Seeing as how it would require the bloggers to leave the house, and we know how much bloggers hate sunlight, it might take quite a few.


Courtesy of Julie of the What Else is Possible? blog. Julie is a tireless blogger, librarian and dog lover. i.e. FRAWESOME Go check her out. Now.
What it's about: It's called the 7X7 Blog Award and you're supposed to reference 7 posts from your own blog history according to the topics.

1. Most Beautiful: 

While I'm not certain the word beautiful really applies to my blog, I'd have to list my Tragedy & Hope post as the most beautiful simply because it remembers a beautiful person. It was my attempt to juxtapose tragedy, like the loss of an aspiring YA author to cancer or the devastation caused by vicious tornados, with the beauty of living--no matter how briefly--a life undaunted.

2.  Most Helpful: 

I'm going to pick the post that has been the most helpful to me personally. It was my Q & R for Quiet Resolve A-Z Challenge post. I try to read it at least once every few weeks to remind myself that I wrote it, and that the words were truly meant.

3 & 4. Most Popular AND Most Controversial: 

I certainly don't intensionally cause a ruckus, I just think out loud. As such, I have quite a few posts that might fall under the controversial heading. I've definitely lost my share of followers (gained way more than I've lost, though), and I have a sneaking suspicion that some traditionally published folks who once followed my blog no longer admit to knowing me because of my views on some of the trends in the publishing machine. One post in particular about the uproar over .99 cent eBooks seemed to cause the most stir--to the point that it is my all-time most viewed post. I got some less than flattering feedback behind the scenes on that one, but I'll say the vast majority of folks agreed with me.    

5. Most Surprisingly Successful: 

This is tricky, because I'm always a little surprised that anyone reads this stuff. That being said, hands down my BlogOholics Anonymous post was the most surprising. I did it as a spoof, as sort of a way of making an observation that the more frequently I posted, the fewer comments I seemed to get. It really struck a nerve and got picked up by a couple of popular content blogs.

6 & 7. Most Underrated and Most Prideworthy: 

Occasionally my emotions get the best of me, and this is one time that I'm glad they did. I love young people. My teenage years were hard for me, and I think that makes me empathize with the demographic. I'm also a counselor by education, and have worked a ton with that age group, seeing firsthand how awful it can be. My post on the Teen Suicide epidemic is one I'm most proud of, one that I think everyone should read, and also one of my least viewed/commented on.
That's it! I probably won't do another one of these award things ... maybe ever.  Please don't stop giving me awards, though!  They truly make my week and keep me blogging.  I know how much they mean to everyone, so I'm going to pass these on to, well, EVERYONE.  I'd love to read your top 7 posts, and yes, even about your underwear habits if you care to share.  Plus it's amusing blog filler.

So let us have it in the comments.  If you accept one (or both) of these awards, blog them and then post the links here so we can all check them out.  Or/also hit me up on Twitter and I'll re-Tweet your links.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!



  1. Already did my posts today and sorry, I don't discuss underwear. Not even with my wife.
    However, I would like to see you throw chain mail underwear at Bieber. I'll even pay extra.

  2. Well, EJ, you're always a ton of fun. Thanks for finally doing one of these posts, just so we can read more of your humor. Hope you're in a part of TX that keeps you safe.

  3. Hi EJ! Thanks so much for the shout-out, and you're welcome for the award. I really enjoyed reading through your older posts. The teen suicide post and tragedy post are both so touching.
    Also got a great laugh with the underwear responses LOL.
    Have a great weekend! :)

  4. Love the awards - I may do this later if I get inspired, and now I have to go check out your controversial post. Should be fun!

  5. I love your posts and this one is no exception. I kind of feel sorry for J.B for always being the brunt of jokes and I think you guys are just jealous. Of course Dukes of Hazzard underwear explains a lot too. Anyway, I had to do this too so don't feel special. LOL.

  6. E.J. I'd like to pass on every award I got this week--Wait that would require me to do head spins, babble about stupid things about myself, which is of no interest to anyone--like that my big toes are actualy shorter than the two next to them, link back to everyone who gave me one and link to those whomever I'm giving it to. I just don't have time for this!!!!

    I'm with you on the award thing. I like/am surprised/happy when people give them to me, but it's a real headache for someone who is busy WRITING on their WIP,and other writerly things to stop and do all this stuff. I'm not sure who started all this, and keeps it up, but really,enough all ready!

    Can I have your I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT! award? I could sure use it!

    Loved your answers to the underwear challenge. Funny stuff.

  7. Come to think of it, the chains as underwear material would probably trump the poison ivy one.

    The underwear blogs are a good exercise, and particularly fun if you're using them for your characters to answer the questions.

    Good blog, EJ! Funny and enlightening!

  8. This is quite a post! (Midnight specials cracked me up!)

    Did anyone sing this to you?
    Underoos are fun to wear (yeah!) and EJ Wesley has every pair!

    I'm terrible (but appreciative) with awards. I always forget to put them on my blog. So I give myself The Forgetful Award.

  9. I can see why you might pick eggplant as a color. You seem to strike me as a subtle, yet majestic, writer of sorts. Then again, it could just be that my own undies are cutting off my circulation again.

  10. This is hilarious. And yes, the award thing gets burdensome. But you're grateful, so it's a dilemma. You do not want to know about my underwear, I promise. (Although like Tawna Fenske, I do enjoy dying it to match. Purple being my favorite color of Rit. Kelly green is good, too.)

    I agree with Alex about the chain mail/Beiber thing. Except you know the guy is going to be tragic in five years.

  11. Great awards- and I agree about passing them on. It's hard to tell who is into that kind of thing and who isn't.

  12. I'm bad at passing on awards probably for the same reasons but this was a fun one to do. You picked good posts for your 7 x 7.

  13. I used to do the awards thing. but as much as I enjoy my friends' recognition, there is simply not enough room on the blog page to post everything. I don't pass them on anymore, either--I barely have time to read and comment on blogs, let alone do awards. Besides, all of the bloggers I follow are great. How can I choose only a few?

    I confess that I don't do blog hops because I've tried them in the past and saw no real benefit from doing them. I ended up with a lot of people I don't know just posting links to their blogs in my comments section.

    I'm not into blog buttons, either, for strictly professional reasons.

  14. Glad you broke your rule - very fun read :) But now I'm afraid I'm going to imagine you in Dukes of Hazard underoos throwing chain mail at Bieber :)

  15. I have to agree with Alex. It cracked up with your comment about throwing chain mall at Bieber.

    EJ thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm glad you liked the pics of Canada. I guess I am not you normal writer because I LOVE the sunlight and spend a lot of time outdoors, working out, and enjoying the warm weather.

    SInce I live in Chicago, I will be in hibernation soon, so I am out as much as possible.

    Congrats on the awards. You have a great sense of humor.

  16. Laughed so loud my kids asked what was wrong. As a fellow Texan, I believe your bumper sticker would be a hit. Print it today and I'll put it on my minivan.

  17. Hey man!

    Considering I haven't posted a proper post on my blog in over six months, I can't take you up on the offer. But thanks for listing some of your favs.

    I have some good reading now over the next few days, no doubt!

  18. Hey E.J.:

    I'm finally back from vacation. Hell must have frozen over b/c the Judean desert...well, it sucks the moisture out of you and your car. Yup. That was part of my vacation.

    Loved your underwear responses. Chain mail is rather binding. Not to metnion, I hate it when my Vickies hide between my butt cheeks.

    Have an awesome day!

  19. Nice post, E.J. The only problem is that in the future when I read your posts, I will always have the sight of purple or mother-of-pearl underwear with the "Play nice..." caption. LOL

    Also, that crazy dream idea you posted...welcome to my world. I have the strangest dreams ever.

    Hope you get some rain soon.

  20. HA! Love this! Love it. I don't know that I can talk about underwear on my blog. I don't know. Maybe I can. Hmmm.

  21. They are a lot of work, however, they can be fun too as you've illustrated. Congratulations on the recognition at least (from fellow bloggers).

  22. Love it! You slay me. You should break your own rules more often ;)

  23. lol. YOU'RE SO FUNNY I've got my knickers in a twist over your underwear post! funny stuff. Plus I see I missed some awesome posts you wrote!


“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

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